EDITOR'S NOTE: "The Chutzpa!" is a new satire column written by accomplished Israeli Messianic satirist Tal Lecks. Please note that the content of this article is fictional, and is meant as a light-hearted way of looking at the very real threats surrounding us.
While Both Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are trying to win over the Evangelical vote - with Romney going out of his way to visit Israel, and Obama going out of his way to make believable excuses for not doing so - fresh thinking is arising among Evangelical voters.
Since Romney is a professing Mormon, and a common understanding among American Evangelicals is that Obama is a Muslim, a growing number of these voters are passionately convinced that the election is really about Muhammad Vs. Joseph Smith.
But that does not make the choice easier.
The founder of the Mormon religion, Joseph Smith, might have proven to be consistent in promoting core conservative family values, but his past contacts with a questionable character named “Angel Moroni” and his refusal to release information about his finances make many Evangelicals hesitant about him.
The Democratic candidate, Muhammad, makes certain people uncomfortable as well. Stephanie, 42, from Texas had this to say: “Both candidates have several wives, however, in Muhammad's case, the women are also required to be involved in jihad, holy war against the infidel. I'm a stay-at-home mom with four children and I just don't have time for holy wars in my weekly schedule.”
Jim, 52, from Michigan felt similarly: “I'm a strong supporter of Israel, and that's why I'll support Joseph Smith. Muhammad's followers claim he ascended to heaven from Jerusalem. That causes tremendous difficulties for Israel. Joseph Smith, on the other hand, must have thought that Jerusalem was in Salt Lake City, Utah, so he's fine by me!”
Other Evangelical voices expressed a deep discomfort with Muhammad's policies on the Arab Spring issue and his inability to produce an acceptable birth certificate proving that he was born in the United States.