The Chutzpa!: Clinton brings down the (nerf) hammer on Iran

Tuesday, September 11, 2012 |  Tal Lecks

EDITOR'S NOTE: "The Chutzpa!" is a new satire column written by accomplished Israeli Messianic satirist Tal Lecks. Please note that the content of this article is fictional, and is meant as a light-hearted way of looking at the very real threats surrounding us.

Hillary Clinton and the Obama Administration have determined to increase the level of sanctions on Iran. Clinton said she had hoped it would not come to this, but that there is now no alternative, the Iranian government just took things too far.

Unless the Iranian government gives up its nuclear ambitions by this coming Friday, the new sanctions will go into effect.

The first new sanction to hit the Iranians will be a prohibition on enriching uranium between the hours of 2-4 pm. Clinton said she is confident this punishing measure will be enough to bring Iran to its senses, but suggested that if that is not the case, the US is prepared to go much further with a second wave of sanctions prohibiting the enrichment of uranium between the hours of 2-4:30 pm. But Clinton sincerely hopes it will not come to that.

Another sanction being considered by Washington is forbidding Iran from watching prime-time American television. Clinton insisted that not knowing what happened in the latest season of Desperate Housewives would be just too excruciating for the Iranian public, sparking a rebellion against the mullahs.

Clinton went on to say that if the television ban did not bear fruit, the US would then have no choice but to resort to military options, and would forthwith suspend the distribution to Iran of such cinematic classics as “Saving Private Ryan”, “Band of Brothers”, and “Pearl Harbor”.

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