EDITOR'S NOTE: "The Chutzpa!" is a new satire column written by accomplished Israeli Messianic satirist Tal Lecks. Please note that the content of this article is fictional, and is meant as a light-hearted way of looking at the very real threats surrounding us.
Israel is heading towards elections on the 22 of January that will cost the Israeli tax payer around 500 million shekels. As an Israeli citizen and a true patriot, I refuse to consider the horrors of this expense in the present economic conditions, and choose instead to look only at the benefits of elections in this season :
Netanyahu is the current Israeli prime minister, and he will remain the prime minister after the election, and I will personally love to spend some money just to remind him how much he is significant and loved. Nothing says “I love you” like a 500 million shekel coronation party.
I just hate it that the citizens of the United States get to have an election and we in Israel can't have one. That's just not fair! I believe in equal opportunities, and if the Americans are having election, I want to have one too. Why should they have all the fun? I promise we will not mention the word “Israel” more than the American election does.
Israel is divided. Conflicts rage among Jews vs. minorities, Secular vs. Religious, etc. The elections are a great time to remember how much we all need each other. Would the secular politician, with his anti-religious oppression agenda, have a justified political career without his religiously oppressing friend? Would the right wing member have voters without his anti-Zionist Arab opponent?
Election day is a holiday. People go to vote in the morning, and then just have the rest of the day off. It's a tremendous opportunity for the Israeli public to identify with it's unemployed fellow citizens.
True, elections are expensive. But where do all those 500 million shekels go? To poor and needy advertising companies that find it hard to make a decent living just from their day-job of advertising banks and drug companies. This is an opportunity for Israel's elect to look to the poor advertisers in the eyes and say: “we stand with you today.” And the advertises do not remain unthankful; they return the favor by photo-shopping the politicians’ faces away. I love Israeli elections!
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