Santa Sighted at the Western Wall

Monday, January 02, 2017 |  David Lazarus

After 2,000 years of traveling the globe, Santa was seen visiting Jerusalem’s Jewish Quarter and davening at Judaism’s holiest site just days after Christmas.

The surprise visit has stirred much speculation as this is the first time Mr. Claus has come to a Jewish city in Israel. 

“He must have finally read the Hebrew Bible,” commented one bystander. “He sees how far he has strayed from the Jewish roots and has come to repent for misunderstanding the true meaning of Christmas all these years.”

Some speculated that Santa had come to understand that the verse “Every good gift comes from above” was not referring to the North Pole, but to a higher source. In fact he and Mrs. Claus were considering moving the entire operation to Jerusalem. 

“Our workshop is flooded,” complained Mrs. Claus. “And the reindeer can hardly pull the sleigh through all the slush now that all the glaciers are melting.” Mrs. Claus was concerned that the changing climate was not healthy for their flock. “Rudolph’s nose isn’t even red anymore!” she exclaimed.

Santa admits that Donald Trump’s decision to move the US Embassy to Jerusalem also had something to do with his visit to the Holy City. “If Trump can do it, so can I,” he ho ho-ed. “It also looks like we are approaching the Last Days real fast and I am beginning to think that flooding around our home is like the Days of Noah,” he almost oy-veyed.

The Rabbinic Council for the Oversight of the Western Wall went into an emergency meeting after the Santa appearance. “We couldn’t ask him to leave as he was wearing a head covering,” they explained to the nation. But they did offer a number of suggestions for Santa if he is serious about returning to Jerusalem and the roots of his faith. 

“We suggest he change his name to Sol Klausner, and we never liked December 25, it’s always raining and it’s too close to Hanukkah. We have enough Holy Days already, thanks. Better he should come on Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles. That way he can come down to the porch and visit a Sukkah instead of coming through those filthy chimneys, which anyway we don’t have them over here,” the council continued.

The Rabbis also insisted that instead of the “ho-ho-hoing” Santa go with “oy-oy-oy,” at least for the first few years. “He must get a greater feel for the agony of our people, and lots of that is connected to the history of Xmas,” they pointed out. “He would also need to change that red suit. Black would be much better, at least until we improve relations.”

Before leaving, Mr. Claus left a note in a crevice of the Western Wall, which curious onlookers later posted on Twitter. “I now realize I have drifted away from the reason for giving gifts on Christmas. Even for me it was a shock when the UN declared that Jerusalem belongs to the Palestinians. It felt like the skis were ripped right off the bottom of my sleigh. Please forgive me. And Happy Hanukkah,” it read. Some say they saw a light from heaven appear in response to the prayer.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The above is meant to be a light-hearted fictional account used to highlight some very real current events.]

PHOTO: Flash90

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