We love to say that family comes first. When I first married my wife Michaella – when was that? Is it 37 years already? – I had it all planned out.

We would raise our kids to eat all the right foods – fruits, vegetables and all that other healthy stuff we never ate. And we’d make sure they’d learn to respect other people who are not like us (Arabs) and grow up to be responsible (not in debt like us), wholesome adults contributing to society (ahem).

Our kids were going to be special and I was going to write the book – Lazarus’ Ten Commandments on Child Raising (it’s not for sale).

But then we started having kids. Four of them, one right after the other and we worked hard at it, but try as we might our golden rules soon became wishful thinking, as the kids wouldn’t eat vegetables, refused to help with the dishes and constantly fought with one another, and before long with us, too.

  Lesson 1: Raising kids is a humbling...