The origins of this day begin with a terrible tragedy that happened to the people of Israel and that almost led to the extinction of the tribe of Benjamin. The story is recorded in the book of Judges, chapters 19-21. The story is about a man from the tribe of Levi traveling with his concubine in the hill country of Benjamin. The Levite spent the night with a man of Efrat who lived there, who was (can you imagine?) the only one who agreed to host them.

The townsmen from the tribe of Benjamin demanded that the Levite come out in order that they “know him.” That is, they wanted to commit sodomy with him (see how reminiscent this story is to that of Lot and the people of Sodom). The host gave them instead the concubine. The men gang raped her and she died!

The irate Levite decided to let all Israel know what had happened. He cut up her dead body into twelve pieces and sent the pieces to all the tribes of Israel. All Israel was shocked and demanded Benjamin hand over the offenders for the death penalty. But the tribe of Benjamin refused to hand them over, and a war of revenge was declared against the tribe of Benjamin, who were known as mighty warriors.

The war was fought in three battles. In the first two the Israelites lost. Many died in the war. In the third battle, Israel defeated the Benjaminites. In this war, almost the entire population of the tribe of Benjamin was killed except for six hundred men who escaped.

The rest of the tribes swore they would not give their daughters to anyone from the tribe of Benjamin. But afterwards they were sorry about the oath because they understood it could lead to the extermination of a tribe from among them. In order to bypass the vow they had made, the tribes went to war against the people of Jabesh Gilead (who had not participated in the war). They killed the people and took away four hundred virgins for the men of Benjamin.

But there were still two hundred virgins too few. So, it was decided to take advantage of a holiday celebrated every year in Shiloh where the daughters of the city danced in the vineyards during the summertime grape harvest. And it was decided that on this day, the remaining bachelor Benjaminites would grab a young woman each, while they danced. This was to achieve two things: one, the oath they swore not to give their daughters to the tribe of Benjamin would not be broken, since they would be “kidnapped” and not given willingly. And the second is that the tribe of Benjamin would continue to exist.

According to tradition, the holiday in which the Benjaminites went to the vineyards was the 15th of Av according to the Hebrew calendar. Since then, this holiday has been celebrated and called “The Day of Love.”

But in fact there is a very big paradox here. What connection is there between love and this despicable story? In this account we read of power struggles, about not seeing the other, and a total lack of hospitality. We read of unimaginable cruelty, evil desire, rape, murder and hatred. This story tells of revenge, war and death; of making oaths and breaking them. The story speaks of discrimination and contemptuous treatment of women. And last but not least, a cruel civil war, full of animosity.

I read the story and can’t find a single bright spot. I am shocked to the core by the supposed connection between love and this story that has everything except for love.

When I read the many rabbinic commentaries, I see the supposed bright spots that the sages found, but it feels to me that they really forced their interpretation on the text. I refuse to accept their interpretations that diminish the horror of this tale.

On the contrary.

I prefer to read this story and learn the lessons from it, and pray that it never happens again. Unfortunately on this “Day of Love,” the people of Israel are once again in the same mood of fighting and hating each other. Internal Israeli views are colliding with one other; there is no tolerance and no acceptance of differing opinions. There is an atmosphere of bickering among the Israelis. And the situation is getting worse. So I am dedicating the 15th of Av this year to personal prayer for myself and for the people of Israel, and for the whole world:

That we stop the evil, stop the wars. That we focus on the beauty that exists in man and see how similar we all are, that we are all created in the image of God.

On this Day of Love, I pray that love will return to dwell among us. I believe with complete faith that where love grows, evil ends. Love is the greatest of these. Love is the truest expression of God. And God is good. If we can see the good, and feel the good, we will feel the spirit of God guiding our lives.

If we manage to do this we will understand what love is.