Our weekly portion “Vayera” is full of action. Sodom and Gomorrah are destroyed, Lot’s wife turns into a pillar of salt, Abimelech kidnaps Sarah, and much more. However, we will focus here on two short verses that lie quite inconspicuously among all the exciting stories, yet have much to say about marriage.
At the beginning of the 19th chapter of the first book of Moses, Abraham is sitting in front of his tent when three men arrive, who later reveal themselves to be angels. At first, however, Abraham takes them for ordinary people and invites them to eat. They sit together in front of the tent and …
“They said to him: Where is your wife Sarah? He answered: Inside the tent. Then he said: I will surely return to you at this time next year, and behold, your wife Sarah shall have a son! Now Sarah was listening at the entrance of the tent, which was behind him. And Abraham and Sarah were old and well advanced in years, so that it had ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women. Therefore she laughed within herself, saying: After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure? And my lord is an old man!
Then God said to Abraham: Why did Sarah laugh and say: “Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am so old?” Is anything too wonderful for God? At the appointed time I will return to you, in due season, and Sarah shall have a son!”
According to Jewish tradition, the angels knew exactly where Sarah was; they asked Abraham because they wanted to make clear to him how modest his wife is, as she had remained in the tent rather than sitting with the strange men. Abraham was nearly 100 years old at the time and Sarah nearly 90, but the angels seemed to believe their marriage needed some assistance.
Later, God reproaches Abraham that Sarah laughed at the prospect of having a child, as though it were not possible for God to accomplish this. However, when recounting Sarah’s words, God omits the part where she says that Abraham is an old man!
Here too, the rabbis comment that God did not want to bring a negative atmosphere into the couple’s marriage. Therefore, He concealed the fact that Sarah considered Abraham to be an old man.
Right, but wrong
There is much to learn from these short verses. It is quite obvious that Abraham knew where Sarah was and that he was an old man. Nevertheless, and even after years of marriage, it is necessary to remind him of her positive qualities and to conceal her remarks that could be interpreted negatively. We learn this sensitivity from the angels and from God Himself.
Furthermore, we learn that even the love between an older married couple requires nurturing. One must keep the flame burning, no matter how old one is, how long one has been together, or even when the grandchildren have already written you off.
Marriages are dynamic relationships that require constant growth and renewal, no matter how long the couple has been married. It is essential that partners show affection toward one another. In this case, it was other people from outside who expressed this “affection,” but we learn from this that it is also the duty of husband and wife to constantly work at seeing their partner in a positive light. This should in turn lead them to treat each other with the greatest possible respect and compassion.
The entire scene fundamentally rejects the idea of growing old within a marriage. God did not want Abraham to think of himself as an old man and to view his marriage as old as well. He wanted a loving and ever-renewed, romantic relationship between the spouses.
This means that partners should recognize and express each other’s good qualities. But it also means that one should be sensitive with one’s words. This applies to the married couple, just as it does to the people around them.
